


waiting for the sun to shine

by Cyane



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Not A Fix-It, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 20:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14922008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyane/pseuds/Cyane
Summary: The war ends and everyone comes back. Thor still watches the sunrise alone.





	waiting for the sun to shine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm all in it for the headcanon that #LokiLives, but I needed to write an angsty one shot. Plus Thor has lost SO MUCH and I feel like I need to recognize it. When he smiled in Infinity War while saying he had nothing left to lose, I wanted to give him a big hug.
> 
> spoilers | speculation | inspired by tumblr

Thor had gotten quieter. 

It wasn't hard to see, it wasn't hard to understand. But it was disconcerting to see him sitting silently nearby while everyone who had disintegrated slowly reappeared. 

He wasn't the same man who had raved about poptarts, wasn't the same man who let out an arrogant battle cry before diving headfirst into war without even thinking. 

He barely said a word to anyone, expression blank, if not incredibly tired, and eyes sunken. 

The war was over, and Thor wasn't sure why he expected everything to go back to normal. For so long, he had been shown the clear goal of killing Thanos and putting an end to it all... but it had been done, and it hadn't filled the emptiness in his heart whatsoever. 

 

Tony Stark's face contorted in pain once the spider-boy had materialized, and he ran forward to clutch at him with tears in his eyes, gasping with relief. When the wizard appeared, there was a similar reaction. Thor wasn't sure when they'd all become so close.

The Captain's friend- the one with the metal arm- also returned, and Steven ran forward to engulf the man in a hug. "You can't seem to get rid of me," Thor thought he heard one of them say. They didn't break the embrace.

When T'Challa appeared, Shuri, Nakia, and Okoye were at his side immediately, helping him to his feet and talking rapidly in Wakandan. Shuri's eyes were filled with tears, but a huge grin was on her face as she clutched her brother. Thor had to look away.

The falcon materialized, and Rhodes took him by the hand to haul him to his feet.

Drax and Mantis came back together, and Quill not long after. Rocket (who hadn't let go of Groot's hand, since the Flora Collosus had been one of the first to come back) walked towards them. There was something more solemn to their reunion. They were missing one. 

Gamora was dead. Not by Thanos' snap, but of another cause. She wasn't coming back. 

It went on similarly for some time- Wanda Maximoff came back and was immediately greeted by Natasha and Okoye. Maria Hill and Nick Fury looked only slightly disshelved when they found themselves sitting in the plains of Wakanda. 

After another hour of waiting, Vision, Heimdall, Gamora, and Loki were still gone. 

Thor felt oddly detached from the group. He wasn't on the verge of tears, and there wasn't any anger smoldering in his belly-- just a tight emptiness, a knot that couldn't be undone, and a hole that couldn't be filled. 

Wanda was leaning against Natasha and Sam, looking out blankly. Thor knew she had a special connection with the Vision. The guardians were similar, each looking particularly grieved. Peter Quill's eyes were full of firey anger. 

"Thor?" It was Bruce, who was coming up to Thor hesitantly. "Listen, I'm sorry... about... you know. I'm sorry about Loki and Heimdall."

"And my people," Thor added softly. 

"And your people." Bruce agreed. His face was scrunched up. "Do you think...?"

Thor shook his head immediately. "They're all gone." After another uncomfortable moment, Thor forced a hideously fake smile on and waved Bruce away, although he appreciated his friend's efforts. "It's alright, Banner. I just need a moment."

Bruce nodded. "Of course. Don't go too far, though, okay? It's been a long time since we've all been in one place, and I think Steve wants to say some things."

He honestly couldn't care less about what Steve had to say, but he kept straining the smile and nodding until Bruce hesitantly turned back to the group and left. 

Thor knew that if he stayed, more of his old friends would come up to talk, so he stood on shaky legs and started towards the deeper forest. He had only gone a few meters before something caught in his wrist, making him turn back in surprise.

It was Nebula, who let go as quickly as she had grabbed him. 

"You're the brother of Loki?"

Thor stared at her for a moment before nodding slowly. "How did you...?"

Her face was as blank as Thor's. "I knew your brother. Not well, but enough. He fell from the void into the Sanctuary quite a few years ago."

Thor's eyes flew up in shock. "How--"

"I'm not here to reminisce with you," Nebula interrupted shortly. "I'm just saying that I knew him. He was... he didn't belong in a place like that. I'm sorry for what he was turned into."

With a sinking feeling, Thor realized that at the moment, Nebula was the only one of all of them who could understand what he was feeling. They had both lost a sibling they had only just begun to reconnect with. They both had no one left. 

"I'm sorry about your sister," Thor said. 

Nebula's eyes sharpened. "Like I said, I'm not here to reminisce. I don't need your condolences just like you won't benefit from mine. Let me speak."

Thor fell into silence. 

Nebula grimaced, like the words she was about to say physically pained her. "They aren't coming back. You know that, don't you? They each gave Thanos a stone, but they had faith in us and we killed him anyway. I'd say we avenged them."

"I thought that would be enough," Thor mumbled. "But it hasn't fixed..." he trailed off. He couldn't say he regretted any of it- not when Thanos was gone and the world was finally somewhat safe again. Not when all of his old teammates were crying and holding their loved ones again. 

"That's not the point." Nebula responded. "The point is we won. Not individually, but collectively." Then she rolled her eyes and shifted again, looking mildly irritated.  
"This isn't what I came over to say."

They stood for a long moment of silence. Thor's eyes drifted back to the group. Several of them were lying down, exhausted after the constant onslaught they'd been facing. 

"What are you going to do now?"

Nebula blinked, surprised at the question, before shrugging nonchalantly. "It doesn't matter. I'm not staying here."

She hadn't repeated the question, but they both knew it was there. _And what are you going to do now?_ Asgard was gone, he had no people to lead... Thor let out a sigh. 

"I don't know where to go."

"None of us do." Nebula took a step back, obviously feeling finished with the conversation. "If I was you, I'd stay here. You haven't lost everyone."

Without even saying goodbye, she turned her back on him and took off in the opposite direction. Not towards the group, either. Thor noticed Rocket and Quill watching her leave. 

The wounds were too fresh to discuss. Thor understood. He turned and continued into the forest until he found the ledge of a cliff and the noises of the rest of the team were inaudible. 

The cliff dropped into a shallow river. Thor set down Stormbreaker and sat with his legs dangling off the edge. There was a clearing beyond the other side of the gorge, where dawn was slowly coming around. 

And he let himself breathe. 

It hurt. 

But it was the first time he'd taken a deep, relaxed breath in a long time. The first time in a long time where there was nothing more he could do, in that moment.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, numbly, almost entirely without thought. He was freezing, but the cold didn't come from the temperature. It was a cold that came from emptiness, like standing in a huge enclosed space that didn't have a single light or item in it. 

"Goodbye mother," he said quietly. "Father. Mjölnir. Sif. Hogun. Volstagg. Frandral. Hela. Asgard. My eye," he let out a huff of air at that, gently touching the prosthetic the rabbit had given him. The sun was rising just beyond one of Wakanda's rolling hills. "My people," Thor choked. "Heimdall."

Light shot through the sky, ripping a gorgeous orange and yellow into the land and illuminating Wakanda. The plains seemed to glow, and animals could be seen roaming the fields. The green of the forestry became a crystal, where translucent leaves and greenery bent the light every which way. 

Thor let the light fall on him and he shut his eyes. 

"Goodbye, Loki."

He could've sworn he felt the lightest touch around his shoulders, although it was his clothing. And he felt warmer, as if someone was embracing him in a hug, although it was the sun.  
And he heard a voice, although it was the wind. 

Thor felt Loki holding him, in that moment. 

_"Never doubt that I love you."_

"The sun still shines," Thor murmured. "And I will see you again one day."

Thor opened his eyes.


End file.
